No Sense In Us Cavemen Burning Our Hands

Today is Fathers Day.  I've been a dad for 9 years, but for some reason, this year seemed to be the first time when I felt like it was recognized by many friends and the wife.  Not to say she never recognized it, but this one felt different.  I'm sure it's because it's really the first year where I haven't had a full time office job and our 2nd kid is now 2.  Huge difference between 1 and 2.  At one, they are little things..at 2, they are little people.

It was really nice to get this unexpected recognition.  Mostly, because being a stay at home dad just becomes a job and like most jobs, you tend to feel overlooked for your achievements (understandably, because they are expected of you...just like at an office job) and criticized for for under performance (again, just like an office job).  But, being put on a pedestal and being given a day, really is rewarding.

I started out the day getting up early to go surf with my cousin and nephew... no better way to start fathers day.  And on my way called my dad.  We had a great chat and the conversation made me reflect on a lot of things.

I always looked at my father as my own personal Ward Cleaver.  He worked real hard all day.  Was a loving husband and cared about his two boys.  Like Ward, he always wore a dress shirt and slacks and dress shoes.  Would help us with our homework (sometimes got really into it and would actually DO my homework).  But, really set the bar high for me as a Father.

I had the great fortune of being raised by 2 great parents.  Both brought different things to my life, but both were equally important.  My Mom and I were extremely close and until she died. We would speak daily (usually 2 times a day) and she helped me though a lot of things.  It's tough not having her around.  My Father was important because he taught me the importance of working hard and discipline.  He taught me how to be patient, pick you battles and always go through life with understanding for others.

I actually recently found all my report card from High School and after reading them, called my dad to apologize for being an idiot in school.  Sure, I graduated, finished college in 3 years, but man, for being the son of an overachieving genius, I must have been a disappointment on the academic side for sure.

After my mother died, my dad and I went thought a bit of a rough patch, but that was short lived.  People get emotional and confusion at the loss of a family member, but in the end, the example he set for me growing up was much more valuable to me than any issue we had.  You only have one father.

I feel bad for people that don't have that kind of relationship with their families.  Understandably, many are for good reasons that make it so the should never communicate, but I have seen more that usually are from petty or short term arguments that blow out of control to where they can't put the cap on the bottle again.  It's kind of sad to watch, because when its too late to fix it, it becomes a thing that you live with forever.  It haunts your soul and you wish for that one more chance to say "I'm sorry" or "I love you".

I came home to two wonderful card from my wife and my kids.  OK... both from my wife.  And they were the most touching cards a dad could ask for.  I felt important.  Important to my family and recognized for what I have done being at home taking care of things.  Yesterday, I was down on where I am.  A former executive folding laundry and doing household chores.  Today, I feel like I'm making a difference.  I hope to be Ward Cleaver to my boys.

I don't know if this feeling will last.  It's a tough transition for any stay at home dad.  But, If I'm making the same kind of impression on my boys that my folks made on me to shape who I am.  It's a good day.

                                                    Oh...How times have changed...