Hello. Good Afternoon

I was never a fan of the term “the one that got away”.  It’s such a defeatist way to look at stuff.  Sounds like you gave up, didn’t try hard enough or just felt it wasn’t worth the time.  Even though none of that could be further from the truth, the acceptance  that it just “got away” is enough to feel like it was forever unfinished.

As someone who spent their professional career working with talented artists with the desire to make everyone in the world to see what you see and share the feeling you get from their songwriting and performance, I have had so many losses.  More than wins.  By no means does that mean the ones that didn’t have the same level of success that the ones who did were “lesser” than, it was just a matter of right time, right place.  I believe everyone I have worked with is as good as the other. 

I grew up loving music.  Absolutely no ability to play or sing a note, but a great appreciation for those who could.  I am really good at listening.  I’m really good at observing.  My entire career has been built on my gut instincts.  I have no idea why someone or something affects me emotionally or viscerally, but when it does, I feel this charge of needing to share it.  This started in high school making mix tapes.  Hearing bands or artists from older friends or family, to hearing what was being played in my favorite record stores, reading fanzines or just liking an album cover.  When I would find something, the first thing I’d do, would be to make a mixtape to share in the cafeteria in school, make tapes for girls or friends or just dub my tape to pass out. Seeing others get that same feeling I did was the most rewarding thing for me.  Which makes perfect sense why I went into the business I did.

Discovering artists could come from anywhere… it could be a guitar player or drummer from a band I liked, but didn’t love, giving me a cd or tape of their new band to showing up early to see a band and catching the opener.  Befriending an up and coming producer who is working with a band of kids they went to high school with… I liked to turn over the stones others were avoiding or missing.  If there was someone else from the business at the show, I was too late.  Plucking someone out of nowhere and watching it get discovered by many is an incredible experience.  

The most frustrating thing is when you know you have someone that you believe in and know (if heard) others would love it.  Well before social media, streaming and blogs, the way of discovery was smaller, but it was also very hard to break.  To get on radio, you needed a label and money, to get in stores, you needed distribution, to get in press, you needed a publicist.  Not much has changed there, but the ability to get your music out has been easier, but even with these new methods of distribution, the new issues are over saturation, but the gatekeeping of top shelf play listing and discovery are still owned by the labels.  The magazines have disappeared, the record stores are lesser and the real way to get it out is DIY and direct to fan, but with the over saturation, there is so much competition for your attention, its almost harder today.

I have a great roster of artists.  With many on the roster, I have a story to work with behind them.  Some are legendary iconic and some are reunited artists from years past who got bigger by going away and coming back for brief returns, but the music was able to be revived, built on both nostalgia and new discovery.  I can assure you, artists like Fishbone and LIZ all walked so others could run.  But, I also have newer artists that in the pre-streaming days, I would know exactly how to market, but now live in a fog of personal disappointment.

One artist I have spent the last few weeks trying to find a way is a young artist named Matt Keller, who goes by the artist name K.Williams.  I met Matt in 2020, when I was teaching some classes at Los Angeles College of Music (LACM) in Pasadena.  Matt was in the music business program and from day one I knew I loved.  He was a wise ass, with a whip smart sarcasm and sinister smile.  First day we met, at the end of the class, he asked me for $20 and I actually reached in my pocket before stopping and thinking “what the fuck am I doing?”… Matt was in my class for months before finally sending me some music he had recorded.  The tracks he sent me were more rap than pop punk, the production was decent, but what I heard was a gift for lyrics and melody.  I didn’t know what I could do and wasn’t sure of the where it was going, but I did (as I do) bank it in my memory that when I get a chance to revisit, when (and if) the time was right, i'd return to it. 

I always kept my eye on his social media and kept him on my mind and when I ended up in an opportunity with a small independent label, I felt this was the time to revisit and reach out to Matt.  By this time I had a plan.  Sometimes when you discover artists, they are already 100% together and it’s best to not touch what isn't broken.  Find them a person to either record them the best possible and just let it be.  But sometimes its about pairing them with someone to elevate and help them get that little push and take them to discover things they didn’t know they had or discover how to elevate by learning how to unlock a process they weren’t aware of.  In the case of Matt, I felt he needed a push in direction and production.  A wordsmith and a melody guy, he needed to get more structure and musical direction.  I felt he was unaware that what he was writing, the melodies he was coming up with, fit more into the pop punk, emo world where lyrics, emotion and feel were barrier breakers.  

I connected Matt with my friend and producer Mike Green, who I had first met when he was out of high school and had just produced part of the debut album by (future management clients) The Matches.  Mike has the ability to write with and elevate every artist I have ever seen him work with.  A multi instrumentalist, programmer and arranger, I knew he would be the guy that would see what I see, hear what I hear and take it to the place I knew it could go, and would take it there.

I drove Matt to Mike’s studio in the Valley, introduced them and left them to work.  From heir 1st meeting and session, they recorded the song Delete Me.  It was everything I had visioned and sounded exactly how I knew would come out.  They recored 5 more songs that I would eventually release.  Not only did we get these great songs, but Matt got an education.  Was able to observe and learn to help his future writing and production process.

We made a cheap video and released Delete Me to DSP’s and YouTube and worked to get the music to be heard.  We did what you do, from paying influencers to talk about it, review it and put it on influential playlists and cross your fingers it would take.  It did.  The discovery and people adding Delete Me to their personal playlists was everything I had hoped for.  Adding to their personal playlists or sharing the song was the Mix Tape of the 21st Century. But this was a lot because of the song, but also the money invested in the right places.  

We followed up with another Mike Green production and video for the song Good Afternoon (I tink this one is my favorite).  

With great lyrics like: “Say you a diamond in the rough, I think it’s really rhinestone.  Roll the credits, cut the scene.  My life directed by me.”

Plus the melody, the use of the keyboards and guitar riffs, with a mix of live and programmed drums, “Good Afternoon” was the song I heard that was where I knew Matt could get to but wasn’t achieving when I first heard his first song and why this collaboration with Mike Green was so important to his development as an artist, producer and songwriter.  Plus I loved the video we did that had a White Stripes vibe to it...

From this point, his writing was on its way.  Only thing is the label I was at, that was helping cover the cost of record and marketing, which included these influencers and ways of getting the songs in front of people was gone.  Much like most small businesses, they fail. I don’t know if this was a fail, but more of a loss of interest from the person funding it.  We were on a very good trajectory for success, not only with Matt, but with other artists like Lauren Martinez (who I still manage and she deserves her own write up) and rap artist Tate228 and Recess Radio (talk about gift for melody and songs…holy shit.  (Follow the link, trust me)…when the label folded, so did the money we had to spend.  Wasn’t million, it wasn’t even thousands…more like hundreds… low hundreds, but when you don't have that luxury, it just proved to make it hard again.

We had built so much momentum and then with the loss of capital, we slowed down.  But Matt didn’t.  This is why I love this guy and why I need him to win.  

Matt took the lessons he learned working with Mike Green and rather than slowing down, doubled down to write and record more.  We needed up releasing an EP with singles we had released called Enjoy the Stay, a full length LP called Bite My Tongue and then an acoustic album of songs like Delete Me, (that just breaks down the brilliance of Matt’s songwriting) called Joyride.  And we continue releasing more songs that Matt is now writing and producing out of his house in Seattle, WA.  His musical influences continue to evolve and I’m here for it.  From a guy that noodled with a guitar and production, he's become a proficient player and producer and just continues to impress me and make me so proud.

I have new distribution with an amazing company called TooLost.  I put these out under my “label” name, Consigliere. Consigliere, like this blog title has been a title I’ve always preferred.  A fan of The Godfather, the role of Consigliere was to be the advisor.  Not the boss, just the role that raises flags, that makes suggestions, but I the end executes the decisions jointly made between the parties.  

I have spent the last few weeks listening to Matt’s catalog and am not happy with the fact that it hasn’t gotten anywhere near the attention it deserves.  I spoke to him this week and I'm on a mission to figure out how to relaunch this from the beginning.  Not getting the proper flowers these songs deserve, I’m on a mission.  Hence this blog post.  I have no idea how to make this happen.  I have no idea how to make it happen with less money (or none), I have no idea how to get my mixtape called K.Williams out to everyone to discover, dub, share, put on their own mix tapes, but I’m going to do everything I can.  He not only serves the shot, but people will hear this and connect.  I just know it.  My gut tells me so. 

The gift of melody is the gift of life.  It takes a cloudy day and opens enough for a ray of sunshine to hit your soul and brighten your life.

I was really happy when DSP’s added lyrics to songs.  Sing along and read along to K.Williams.  

His music is Timeless

Not a Waste of Time

Break A Leg

Don't be a JERK

If you don't like it Delete Me

Don't be left Somewhere in the Middle

If I steer you wrong Knock Me Out

Nice Guy doesn’t need to finish last

Best Case you love him

Worst case, you get Stuck in the Deep End

But its My Turn to turn you onto new music

Don't end up M.I.A or Dead to Me

Thank you for your time…. Good Afternoon.

Hello Francis

 

I saw someone (very successful and a nice person actually) make a snarky post about former music business people working for tech start ups and being a waste of time and please to not bother them.

I’m lucky enough to say that I haven’t gotten to the point where I’ve had to pivot to where the work was and using my experience and contacts from the years I worked in the major league world to try and make a living.

The music industry changed over the years.  From 5 majors with great JV’s and great indie labels having a chance to discover and break artists, writers, producers and all other creatives.  

When I started, the people that took me under their wing were the ones I admired and the ones whose names I read on albums I bought growing up.  They weren’t kids, they were 3 decade long A&R people, promotion people, marketing, radio, engineers and producers.. they had lifelong careers with respect and experience.

When I started that option of being a lifer seemed to actually exist… over the next decade, the signs started showing that to be taking a bad turn.  Record stores closing, technology making the business change, mergers, closing of labels and artist development disappearing.  

As a result, huge job loss, no more job security, mergers and redundancies… people lost jobs (some because they had no business being there) but the majority because their home of employment was gone… because of the industry shrinking, overpopulation of talented professionals left them with nowhere to go.  This lead to trying to make a living.  What was seen as a potential to be a life long job or industry disappeared.  Many people tried to make something on their own, as most businesses fail.  Not because of not being good, but because sometimes that’s just the way the ball bounces.

So now all those people are left to try and find work.  Find ways of keeping a roof over their heads, feed their families, make a living.  What does one walk with when this happens other than their skills and their contacts.

Start ups, many who aim at the entertainment business look for people with contacts… they hire these people and these people who try to make a living from this opportunity… so they call on the people they know, worked with or can connect with as their first outreach.  I know it’s humbling and they feel like Willy Loman hitting the pavement and doing their best to get back on the good foot… 

It’s hard man… so reading stuff like that, while (as I said, luckily) doesn’t effect me currently makes me feel bad for any  person out there just trying to catch a break… empathy man… have some.  We all go up, we all come down… life is short and all we can do is try.  Try to make it and try to live… don’t need people pushing others down because of where they ended up no fault of their own.

When you've got so much to say it's called gratitude ... And that's right

I teach some music business classes at a couple schools. The one thing I envy the most is how young and fearless that age can be. The ultimate "me" time. A time when you don't really have to worry about anyone but yourself. I remember that time well. Right out of college at 20 and ready to do whatever it takes to get a job and get something going. Failure was not an option and I had the drive and selfishness of concentrating on myself to make it work. I knew it was going to take a lot of time, a lot of getting it right and a whole lot of getting it wrong, but working and learning from the ups and downs of whatever it was I was going to do. That kind of drive still exists in some of the kids I teach, but not as frequent. They want it too fast, don't really want to work for it too hard. Waiting for someone to get it or do it for them. Not all, but a lot of them. As a matter of fact, one of my classes, we discussed internships and I emphasized how important they were. Being in the environment even if you are answering phones, getting lunch, or picking up dry cleaning. Who cares. Rite of passage. While, many seemed to get what I was saying, i'm pretty sure the majority couldn't last a day without complaining and bailing.

Yesterday, I grabbed a box in a closet just to see what was in it. I knew it was photographs, and its always an adventure to see something from the past. In that box was a letter from CBS Records, from October 20, 1990. It was one of the 58 rejection letters I got when I got out of college and applied to every single department at every single label in New York. I was desperate to get an entry level job in the music business. I knew no one and my resume was absolutely horrible. I think it mentioned I was MD of my college radio station, I worked in a liquor store and graduated with a BA in Communications. oh...and I speak Spanish.

Basically, every single letter was nice and said something like "Thank you for your interest in (insert label here). Unfortunately, we have no positions open, but will keep your resume on file in case something opens up", which basically meant thanks, we will now shred this horrible resume. But those were the HR replies, and I appreciated them (and kept them) because they were typed and actually signed by someone, so it didn't feel like it was a general form letter. I applied to every single department hoping to get past the guards.

I think I got about 50+ of these letter all around the same time in October 1990. But I kept at it. At the time, I was living with my brother in the apartment that we grew up in. Our parents had moved out of the country after I graduated High School for work, so we were able to live there with roommates to cover the $865.00 rent for a 2 bedroom on the 23rd floor on the east river, with a view of the Empire State Building and the manhattan skyline and the World Trade Center from the bedroom window. You never know what you got until its gone, huh? Anyway, I was working in Times Square at RKO Video renting movies to people while wearing an usher's vest and yellow clip on tie. I was not lazy in the least bit. Was earning my way since the age of 12 when I started a paper route all the way through High School and worked at a liquor store on weekends while at college. The drive is what has kept me alive all these years. Its called a "hustle" these days, but to me it was working to make a living. So with the flood of rejection letters, I was getting ready for my second stage of resume mailing when I got a random call from Columbia Records Promotion Department.

The call was from Delores Prezioso. She worked for the head of the promotion department and she had received my resume. At that time, the department was looking for someone to come in and basically do anything and everything for the department that was a staff of about 20 people. They usually had interns, but interns were tough to train based on hours and commitment, so they had put together a budget to hire someone. The job was a "Per Dium" position. So not on staff technically, no benefits and paid by the hour. The salary was still being figured out, but it was going to be between $5.00 and $8.00 and hour. But there would be overtime. After telling me, she asked if I was still interested. I said yes and we arranged a time for me to interview in person.

In the box of photos I was looking at earlier, inside the same envelope with the CBS Records rejection letter, was the piece of paper, an old Citibank envelope in red marker with Delores' name, the address and time for my meeting. 30 years later, here was the paper from the moment that changed my life.

The day of my interview, I got dressed, I actually wore a suit, I think... and went over to Black Rock. I honestly remember it like it was yesterday. Checked in, went up the elevator to the 12th floor, told the receptionist (Anne) that I was there to see Dolores. Sat down and waiting for someone to come get me. Dolores greeted me with a kind greeting and the best new york accent and NY vibe that I was immediately comfortable. I went back to her office int he bullpen that made up Columbia Records Promotion department. I was obviously overdressed and that I recall made me super uncomfortable. Dolores sat with me and her friend and executive assistant to the Rock Department, Cathy Thiele came and they asked me some questions, asked if I could manage on the salary and actually told me I was overqualified. Why? I asked, and the response was, "You graduated college"... it wasn't an academic position obviously. I honestly didn't care. I just wanted in. I was very lucky to get the job right then and there. I started my job on October 29th, 1990.

I got my first music business job. $8.00 an hour, no benefits, but I worked my ass off. Got in early, late to leave just so I could learn and get overtime to be able to pay my half of the rent. I never complained and loved working. I worked in the same area of some of the best in radio. My boss Burt Baumgartner, Jerry Blair, Jerry Lembo, Paul Rappaport, Jim "Rocky" Delbalzo, Lisa Wolfe to name a few, plus all the support staff, Dolores, Cathy, Jenni, Pam, Scott...just a great way to work in. The one lesson I learned was to just do what you are asked. Who was I? You had to earn it. The best part of my job was actually doing BDS distribution on Monday and Soundscan on Wednesday. The reason for this was because I had all these printouts I made that needed to go to every single department and every executive in said department. It was my way to meet new people and get to know other departments and what they did. I got to know every head of a department as well as the rest of them. You can't learn that shit in a text book. Networking, relationships, etc. These people are the ones that cheer you on later as you start to move up. They were never too busy to answer a question. Some great people for sure. Some are still friends today. Steve Tipp, who was the head of Alternative Radio, Kevin Gore was running Jazz, Nick Cucci was doing marketing, Brigette Roy was in Metal, the list goes on, I think the majority of my Facebook friends are either from High School or Columbia Records.

I tell this story to my classes, because I always want them to understand what it takes to get your foot in the door. Learn from my experience. Learn how, these opportunities, while some of the tasks suck. Who the fuck are you? Make your bones. Entitlement is a very ugly character trait.

From this position, relationships and hard work and humility, I was able to move forward and create a career for myself. Create a resume, put some numbers up and build a reputation. One thing though, was I always was interested in learning more. Moving to publishing, licensing, management, touring, merchandise whatever there was, I wanted to learn it so that if I ever needed it, I could do it myself (and I have to this day).

Finding that original note that lead to my last 30 year career was bittersweet. Where I am at at this point in my life is very reflective of where I was then. Hungry, not ready to give up and open to all possibilites. Not limiting myself to what I had done or was known for. The difference is at 50, you can't live selfishly. Many of us have responsibilities beyond ourselves. We aren't able to live off of $8.00 with overtime. Instead of having a resume that is blank, resumes are stacked with experience and success. But, now that seems to have become an undesirable asset.

When I look at my parents, they worked to provide, enjoy life and have a plan for the later years. Retirement, having a legacy to pass on to their kids, equity to support their families when the clock runs out.

From talking to many of my friends, I'm not alone when we look back with joy and look forward with fear. I never lived beyond my means, but did enjoy life while earning a good salary. I have not worked for a company to be able to contribute to my 401K for over a decade, so when looking at assets and legacy, it's pretty alarming. But, in the same spirit I had since the age of 12, I work hard to take care of shit. I am so fortunate to be able to make it work. I see all these young "up and comers" and it saddens me to see how they live for the now. I think they all think it will go on forever. I think if there is one thing I can do, is try and mentor these talented younger individuals to think long term. The sad part is, many don't want to. I see the lists that come out of the 30 under 30 where usually only 30% of those make it to the 40 under 40 lists. There aren't any 50 under 50 lists, because I don't think they could find 50 people over 50 that are still relevant...maybe 20 or 30.

When I was coming up, I looked at the careers of those I aspired to be and they were my age today and still going. I didn't see 40 becoming the standard expiration date. Maybe it was my own fault. Not looking to point the finger at anyone, blame anyone, i'm in control of what I can do for myself.

What I will ask of hiring managers and HR, please stop looking at a good resume and saying i'm overqualified (after the math is done and see how old I am). Nobody is overqualified when they want to work. Overenthusiastic, maybe. But that should be an asset. The new rejection email has lost its gravitas from when you got it in the mail. At least back then, someone had to type it out and you knew someone actually did the work of letting you down easy vs the automated rejection in a form letter that comes to you once not enough key words were picked out of your resume for consideration.

I'm so grateful for who I am, where I am... am I ready to quit and call it a day. Fuck no. So, I'll keep doing my thing, helping those I can help and keep on trying to make my kids proud. And I'll never forget that phone call I got from Dolores in October of 1990 that set me up for the next 30 years.

For the young achievers... fuck man... get out there, take some risks, lose a couple, get yelled at, pick up dry cleaning. Trust me. It will all pay off down the line. Learn what you want to be and learn what you never want to be. Sometimes the worst bosses are the best ones, because you figure out what you won't ever do to people. Live with your parents, live with 5 roommates, do overtime even if it doesn't pay. You ain't shit yet... but you will be soon. Soon you will have your own Dolores make that call to you that will start your career.

I hope over the years, I can be remembered as someone who made that call to them.

Valentines Day. The Rose no one really knows

In 1994, when I was working at Columbia Records, i signed a band from Detroit called Sponge. If you are of the 90's you would know them or at least have heard their song "Plowed" (Yes, one of Howard Stern's favorite songs). It was a great time in the business. Records were selling, expense accounts were flowing, labels were developing artists. There was room for growth. But as we know, all good things must come to an end.

But that's not what this blog is about. That's a boring "i remember back" story that old fuckers like me seem to rehash daily, like guy I knew that would always remind me how much gas cost when they were kids. Only difference of course being, when they would talk about gas, i would know what they were talking about. If I mention Sponge to anyone under 30, they look at me with zero connection or reference. Then i have to remember, most of them were born after Kurt Cobain died. Where did the time go?

Anyway, back in 1994, I also met a wonderful young lady, who happened to be the 12 year old daughter of my friend Joe, who was a guitar player in Sponge. This young lady's name was Rosalyn. Funny, smart, and just a natural star. She was like a little sister to me from the get go. She had the luxury of growing up when her dad's band was in its prime. Got to go on tour, meet bands and just live the life. She had a natural gift for music and her enthusiasm and fearlessness, made me want to help her out. This lead to my first endeavor with her. One day, she was walking around her house singing a song over and over again. This of course because something her dad would tell Vinnie, the singer of Sponge about. They wrote and song and told me about it. I told them I would pay to have them record it and we could make a 7" from it. So, just like that, "I'm A Big Girl" with the b-side being "Femme Fetal" by Velvet Underground was recorded under the name 27 Mauve. The song would be performed as an encore on tour, sometimes with Rosalyn performing it, sometimes just the band. But, it because a fan favorite and we sold out of the 7" that were sold at shows.

It was pretty much set up to be a novelty item. But, Rose got the bug and just naturally gravitated to the guitar and singing. Her heroes at this point being Nirvana and Hole. She was all about that and punk rock. I was proud. I have always loved turning people onto music and she was ripe for influence. She of course, though a lot of the stuff i was turning her on to was shit. But, she was 14 at this point. It's expected.

I always knew something would happen with her, just what and when wasn't clear. During these next couple of years, with Saint Cobain being her religion, not only was she influenced by the music, but by the demons too. Neither I nor her dad were aware of this for a long time.

In 1999/2000, I had the ultimate highlight, situation both professionally and as a music fan experience. I spent a short time (a little less than a year), managing Rancid. One of my favorite bands that I had met in 1996 while at Columbia. Long story short, I was in the beginning of the (well documented) bidding war that ended very bad for one guy. I always kept a very good relationship with them (specifically Tim) because it was never about me getting the band. It was about them getting the best situation and when it didn't pan out in my favor, it was ok and i let them know that. Because of that, 5 years later they would ask me to look after them. It really was a dream come true for me. One of the bonus of that time working with Rancid, was being with Tim on a daily basis. At that time, he was married to Brody, who was starting a band called The Distillers. They were a 3 piece and fucking awesome. But, like Rancid (who were originally a 3 piece), i could see them needing a 2nd guitar player. One day I casually asked Brody if she would consider a 2nd guitarist and she told me she was dying for one, but wanted a girl and couldn't find one. The bell in my head rang (maybe that's why i have tinnitus)and I told her about Rose. I even told her she was coming out to visit me in a week or two (she wasn't), but i wanted them to meet each other. Brody was stoked and told me to make sure to have them meet when she came. Now, I needed to call Rose and her dad to see if she was interested and ask if i could fly her out to stay with me for a couple weeks to have her meet Brody. I got "Yes" all around, booked her a ticket, had her come out. Her and Brody met, and I think i saw her maybe 2 more times over the next two weeks. The two were inseparable and just clicked. It was awesome. Rosalyn, was now in The Distillers and recording and touring. She was 16 turning 17.

The next couple of years, i didn't see her, but kept tabs on her. I was always a phone call away, but she was living the rock and roll life. I still had no idea of her demons or how deep they went. After the 1st tour, she, now known as "Casper Rose" ended up moving to Berkeley and living with her then (most awesome) boyfriend Tim, who she met when he was in a band called Nerve Agents, who were also on the same label, Hellcat. I went up to visit her a couple times (i have no recollection why), but things seemed like they were not 100%. I would get calls from her dad or from her sometimes, when there was an issue that i could try and help out with, but she was a big girl. The Distillers ended up making their next album Sing, Sing Death House, where Rose actually contributed on songwriting on songs as felt like the band was going to pop. They had all the best going for them. But, Rose was a mess. Dope sick, addicted, every parents nightmare. They went on Warped Tour and she was literally out of control. She was literally the Sid Vicious of the band. Pure, real, a showman, but extremely volatile, unpredictable and dangerous to herself and to others. Fat Mike even wrote a song about her on the NOFX album War on Errorism called "Decom-Posuer" that basically was his observation of her. The bands motivation to move forward and her motivation of derail brought them to a parting. Rose left The Distillers soon after and honestly, for the public, her whereabouts became those of Big Foot. Many stories, theories, folklore.

For me and her dad, it was sad to see it happen, both of us knew her talent and how she was just self sabotaging her life. Nothing could be done. She was a dope addict with no motivation. The Distillers went on to do great. Even announcing a reunion (sans Casper Rose). It absolutely has been a "what if" for me. I don't think she ever cared as much as we did. But that was her at the time.

Over the next 10 years, with her dad being a very close friend, I would know what she was up to, where she was living, making sure she's alive. We would speak whenever she called me and I would always try and encourage her music. I promised her, anytime she had a desire to record, i would pay for it. She would "clean up", get motivated, call me, tell me about songs she wrote, send me demos. I sent her in the studio like 2 times over those years, the results would be inspiring, but usually organized confusion. But, what I did find was a voice and a natural gift. But, that gift and voice were wasted as long as she was a junkie. There is a lot of truth to the saying "Never trust a junkie". I just couldn't give up on her. We had so many start/stops of recovery, so many heartaches and conversations I would have with her dad. But he was amazing and also never gave up.

In 2012 (i think), she moved to Tallahassee, FL. She had to get out of Detroit, where she knew every junkie, thief, asshole in the world and was going to be found one day in an abandoned house shooting gallery. Her mom (xoxo Margo), was moving down there with her husband at the time and son and took Rosalyn. But, better weather doesn't take the junk out of the junkie. Junkies are like cockroaches, they live anywhere and everywhere. We started speaking again when she got down there. She really wanted to start playing again, and like I always promised, if she did, i would pay for it. We had more stop starts and she ended up meeting a good guy and having a baby.

Gia was born and I was sure this was the fix. It took a while, but through ups and downs, she made the decision and came to the realization that life wasn't going to be shit anymore. She checked herself into a rehab and remained there for a full year. While in there, she had self realizations, did yoga, worked on herself and did it for Gia. We would speak periodically, and she had a guitar and was writing songs. As always, I promised when she got out, i would pay for her to record.

She got out or rehab in 2016, she went to Detroit for Christmas and recorded 4 amazing songs that we released super DIY on an EP called Songs from Rehab. Musically, the EP is excellent. Lyrically, honest. It was a great return to the world. Not a "throw it out there", but a commitment and dedication. We set up social media accounts to slowly ease her back into the world. She was warmly received and reconnected with Brody though social media. That was a good closure, full circle for her. Both Moms now, still writing and playing. The Ep was a very quiet release, got a little press, put out a 7" with a great indie label in LA called Wink And Spit. The label owner (and artists herself) Kelsey was a Distillers fan and reached out to her through social media. We had no expectations for the release, I just wanted to encourage her songwriting and get her going and doing what she is gifted to do.

A year passed and life happens. You have kids, they take priority. She's a great mom and just such a wonderful human. She called me in August and stared sending me songs she was working on. They were all great. So, we made a plan to record again. So once again at Christmas, she went back to Detroit and recorded 3 new songs with her band which includes her dad, Joe on bass.

We just released the 1st of the 3. A song called Valentines Day. Again, a lyrically honest song with a beautiful melody and vocal performance. We made a video on her iPhone that Gia shot and I edited with my limited editing skills (DIY). The reception has been good so far. Hopefully more people discover it, because it deserves it.

Never give up. This has been what I have lived by. You believe in something or someone, stick with them. I believe in Rose. Since she was 12. I'm not looking to get rich, but what I can do is help her express herself and hope other people discover her too. I teach at a music school. I believe in passion and if there is something there. i want to be someone who at least can help them see it in themselves and maybe even move the ball forward.

Rose could have easily have given up. Shit, she actually did a few times, but she bounced back. From junkie to mom. Never lost her heart and never lost me. Her continuous hard work at keeping her life together and fueling her creativity. Building a great life with her boyfriend Thomas, his kids and the light of her life Gia, i couldn't be prouder of her.

Happy Valentines Day, Kid.

Holler If You Hear Me

It’s been a while since I have “blogged”. I don’t know why. I actually really enjoy writing and (I guess) getting thoughts out of my head. It can be dangerous to keep thoughts in your head. Plus, thoughts can park themselves in prime real estate of your brain. So, I was getting in the habit of getting those thoughts out to clear up said real estate for new ones. It’s been a while, so the real estate is losing value. Time to clean up the neighborhood.

The main thing that has been squatting in my brain has been a hard subject to talk about. Mostly, because it’s easy to sound (my least favorite term) “bitter”. But, what How I see it, it’s never been a “bitter” feeling, just a confused, disappointed and depressing question and subject.

That question is “what happened?”. What happened to me in the last 10 years? Where did the career I had worked so hard for go and how did it go away so quickly. This subject was one that over the years through reading social media posts and speaking with friends, former colleagues and just general observance I saw that this isn’t a subject and question that I alone ponder.

I also saw that it wasn’t a “music business” issue. It’s an everything one. I know that business evolves, everything does, but when I was younger, it didn’t happen this fast. Maybe it’s the new world standard. Everything is just happening prematurely. When I started in the music business, I could look at my mentors and they were the age I am now, with many years left in their long careers. Somewhere along the line, that life expectancy was cut in half. Something i wish I knew would happen before i started. I would have looked into another profession.

But it’s not just me. It’s many people. People in the world where the 401k automatically was getting fed with every paycheck stopped getting fed a decade ago. The world where insurance has become a game of hoping nothing too bad happens while putting it on hold until you have enough money to sign up again for a plan that covers more than one check up a year. A world where you are actually better off dead than alive for your kids, because the one smart thing you did was invest and make sure to pay your life insurance policy.

So back to the question of “what happened?”....

Well, everything did. For me, it was the music business began to shrink. As a creative person, you are only as good as your last hit and I always ran a marathon. I worked with artists for the long haul. But as the business started changing, the marathon winner was a dreamer. It became a sprint game. A very crowded sprint game.

So, luckily I adjusted. Before the Napster years, I was (rather painfully) removed from a job that I had done well in. Why, doesn’t matter. But, at that time, I moved coasts and wanted to dip my feet into a new pool and learn something new that I had zero understanding on. The idea was to expand my knowledge to make me a better rounded person and not one dimensional. I learned under one of the best and was grateful for that 2 year crash course. After that tenure, I was spent and needed a break. Took a sabbatical (also known as not being able to find a job) and just got back to remembering why I got into it in the first place. I listened to music and went to shows again not because I “had to”, but because I wanted to. Because of that forced head clearing and time away from the grind of it, I was able to actually enjoy it again and found myself stumbling upon many new bands, writers, scenes, etc. It was magical.

From that, I voluntarily began helping these artist meet people in the business that I still knew. I had been fortunate to where I can at least still get a call answered and a song listened to based on my reputation and relationships. Don’t know about that these days though. More in that later. Anyway, bands got signed (and did quite well), managers got new clients (and did really well) and from that, I actually got a 2nd life at a label and publishing company. I thought i was out... and they pulled me back in. This was not a curse at all, but a blessing.

I had another amazing run at my new company for 5 years. See when I took a job anywhere, i was retiring there if it was up to me. Didn’t take a job to get a job. You hired me, you got me for life. Loyal as fuck.

Also during that time(Well before you could have 10 jobs at once), being at a label meant you couldn’t do outside jobs or work outside of your contract as it was seen as a conflict of interest. Understandably so. Today, you can work as a VP for a parent label, have a label, own a publishing company and manage producers and songwriters where you sign an artist to your label that is paid for by the parent label, but the artists needs to work with your songwriters that you publish and are produced by the producers and engineers you manage. Sounds fair. But I digress...

Anyway, even though i worked for the label and publishing company, I had many developing interests in artists and ideas that weren’t ready for prime time. So, through a friends developing company, I made an arrangement that would allow me to bring in said not ready for prime time players and ghost manage them. What that meant was for every act i would bring in, I would be the silent manager and one of the people at the management company, would co-manage and be the “face”. Which was great for me. I could be involved, if there was any money to be made, i could invest it back into the management company (because i had a salary and wasn’t looking to double dip), but by investing back, I was setting up my next career should my job ever go away, while helping manage the careers of these up and comers. I never take credit, but that has been a huge mistake for me, because by being humble and letting the light shine onto others, I have gotten erased from history. If it wasn’t for other people being around at that time and seeing it first hand, and me saving all the emails and instant messages, I would actually be a ghost and/or a liar.

See, this is where you may be rolling your eyes and calling me bitter. I know... it sounds like me bitching and crying. So, why does this matter?

Well, because this was around the time when “what happened?” starts.

It starts here because this is when label mergers went into full gear. I would say around 2005. The company I was at was NY based and I was in the West Coast office (staff of 27). As the mergers started within a 2 year period, the staff went from 27, to 22, to 17 to 13 (when i was made redundant) to 9 to 7 to a logo.

When my tenure ended, I would have thought that I had a place to go, since I had invested and been a pretty important part of a roster that changed them from being a rap metal management roster (with some up and coming writers who weren’t quite there yet, but got there and boy did they... FYI... absolutely ZERO to do with me). I only claim the bands and direction as something I had to do with. But, in the last year before my redundancy, there was an “issue” that happened at the company. And from my stand point, where there might have been good cause or reason, I didn’t agree with the manner it was handled. Of course, with my stupid punk rock ethics, had to state my thoughts. Anyone that knows me (and these people were family to me) I need to speak my mind for when something doesn’t feel right ethically. In this case the handling of the situation and the financial resolution were both handled very poor and quite honestly, hurtful to witness. The company was built on being the “good guys” and the exit and restitution was not what a “good guy” would do and I said it. Only thing was, you don’t say those types of things to the most liked person in the world. But, like i said, this person was like family to me and I’m open and honest with family, just to hope they see things from another side that’s not coming from anything other than honesty. Bad move.

Long story short, there was no home for me to go to. Persona non grata. It actually took almost 5 years to start repairing that one. I think it’s pretty good now. Very sad it will never be what it was. It’s hard to find friends out here that you feel are true. But, that’s life. The company flourished and continues. I’ve heard my “involvements” pop up here and there, but they are very watered down, so I’ve almost been written out completely, but I still have a gravestone somewhere that gets some sun every once in a while.

I have never seen much of a hand raised to look out for me. Is that because my former partner knows about my pride? Who knows, but it does contribute to “what happened?”.

On the other side, the friend I stood up for, he has reinvented himself and done great on his own. But again, I professionally haven’t seen anything float my way. He's one of the most righteous and genuinely nice people I know. His friendship all these years is reward enough for me.

Now it sounds like I’m bitter again. I know. But it’s not bitter. I think in this world where survival has become harder. We all know it’s who you know. So, in this case, I know some heavy motherfuckers. So “what happened?” that knowing the biggest people out there, I’m out here wondering how to get a new client or how to reach someone i used to know on behalf of my current clients, because I “seem” to know a lot of people and “seem” to have a pretty great reputation.

I do pride myself on being someone who can make it on his own. Over time, I realized that is more of my way with dealing with people not being as open about assisting me. I have zero problem helping people. It’s actually rewarding for me to see someone succeed from any contribution I made. I’m not saying I’m better than others, but much like my realization of how to deal with feelings alone out here, my helping others rewards me and gives me hopes that somehow through karma, it’ll come back to me. Spoiler alert... it doesn’t. But if it makes you (me) feel better, that should be reward enough.

I have always said, if karma points were air miles, I could fly around the world 1st class at least 3 times. But, they aren’t. Coach it is.

So being the “make it on your own” person I have become. Since the “what happened” period started, I have looked of ways to reinvent myself. Learn something new. Be well rounded. Be a person that can do everything really well. Not kinda ok. I mean like do any task. I learned a lot by trial and error. Never scared to try something and if I wasn't able to do it, i would teach myself. That has kept me going for a long time. So in these years of figuring it out day by day, every once in a while an opportunity would come up that I would look at (now this is where many of you reading this can really relate). These opportunities (another way of saying “jobs”) would come via word or mouth, recommendation or job posting (the worst). I’m not one who looks at a job and says “eh, I can kinda do that...”, I have to look at it and say “fuck this... I can do ALL of that”. So whether it’s word or moth, recommendation or job posting, I’m gonna give it a shot. I would say I get a call 2/10 times. Job posting is all key words and apparently, if your resume has all the job qualifications they list (word for word) none of those are the actual key words to get you looked at, so you get the automated “thanks but you don’t meet the qualifications we are looking for”, even though your resume has ALL of the qualifications they listed. When it comes to word of mouth or recommendation, by the time you get in contact, 9/10 times they already have someone (in house hire), so they might schedule you an interview out of courtesy or just have an assistant “reschedule” you until they just stop rescheduling.

I have two potential “opportunities” that stood out to me. They were both jobs i was very qualified for. One I didn’t even know was a potential “opportunity” until it was brought to my attention. This one was something that would have been called a “dream job”. I went to see an old friend with an idea. Some say I’m a dreamer. I had this idea for a way to exploit a catalog in a really creative way that would both make fans happy and be a way for a new audience to discover this band. Though this idea, there could be a new “soundtrack” vs repackaging the same shit over and over. A win for the label, a win for the publishers, a win for merchandise and a huge win for the legacy. Let’s call the band... I don’t know... ok... the Ramones. If anyone knows me, I kinda like the band. So I called an old friend who was so sweet and willing to meet with me. He did not need to at all. He’s very busy and I just appreciated the courtesy. Real stand up move. Went in, told my idea, somehow the conversation steered to him wanting to expand and had been thinking about adding someone. He knew my background and while it had some of the skills, there was a lot to learn. So, I was beyond excited and have zero issues learning from the bottom up. I’m a fast learner and put me in a new environment and I’m there to soak up as much as I can. I am a great utility player. Don’t ever want to be captain, just want to be on the team and hope to help the team win. Fast forward, he has me meet with his current team as i would be working under them and learning the ropes. Again, no ego here. Just excited about the opportunity.

Meet for lunch with the two guys and I start off by saying how much I love The Ramones and how they are one of my favorite bands, to where the reply was “yeah... they are everyone’s favorite band”. I knew at that moment this was going to be a long/short lunch. The whole time there, i was just trying to break the wall and just let them get to know me. It wasn’t gonna happen. With every description of how shitty the tasks would be, i would reply with great enthusiasm. It was legitimate. After about 40 minutes, the main guy asks for the check and stands up and says “ok thanks. We’ll get back to you after the holiday”. Thanksgiving was coming up. So, he starts to walk away towards the parking lot. Exactly where i was going. That exit was not too smooth. We then get down the stairs and he abruptly says goodbye again... only to start walking in the same direction as me. It appeared we were parked next to each other. One last goodbye and finally he is rid of me. I sent a follow up email to them thanking them for their time, and email their boss saying how much I enjoyed them.

A week after Thanksgiving, I have not heard from them. So, I email with a joke saying “well, we never specified after which holiday i would hear from you, so I hope to hear from you by MLK day”. I guess that didn’t go over well. I never got a reply. The Ramones have released some great repackages of albums I have bought 3 times already.

The other job, falls into the category of word of mouth/recommendation. It was a job at a company that I have actually been praising in their business model for the 21st century. I was told of this position by a friend who actually interviewed for it, but couldn’t relocate, so suggested me (one of my best friends to this day with as many stories, if not more, than me). I went into this meeting at very high recommendation by very high level people, so at least i would be considered as a potential candidate. This job I actually fit every single qualification.

The day of the meeting, i went in, was actually there for over an hour, and answered and knew every single thing they asked and had answers to every question asked. Thai was my world. No on the job training needed. All was going well when the hiring manager (in the middle of me speaking) just stands up and says “ok. Thanks for your time. I have to go”. He walked out the door while shaking my hand and I just stood there like a person staring at the gate as the plane pulls away. I left, emailed both of the people I met with. Thanked them for their time and appreciated them taking so much time out of their day. Never heard from either again.

I found out a week later from my friend who suggested me that he had gotten an email from the main person saying they had hired someone already. The date of that email was the same day I went in to interview. I wish I could have that hour of my life back.

I have spent a lot of time just shrugging my shoulders and saying “oh well”, but oh well has become “what happened?”.... what did I do to put myself in this situation? I would get it if I was an asshole to people, kicked puppies or screwed people over, but I wasn’t, I don’t and I haven’t.

I’m not bitter, just confused. Wondering what will be next, how can I fix it, can I fix it, where will I be next year?

I’m thankful for my kids. They have nothing but hope in their eyes and their futures. That’s what makes me keep on keeping on. I love what I do. I'm fortunate that I am able to still work doing what I have done for 25 years, I still have no ego about who I am or what I do. I can meet with big wigs, i can throw out the garbage. Who gives a shit. I teach young, talented students at a university and I still work with artists that can sell out venues and sell directly to fans through social media only, i have gotten to develop young artists purely DIY and have been able to get them going, slowly growing a career. The marathon mentality. So, no complaints professionally. I just wish it was more stable.

I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this. So what happened? I still don't know, but you aren't alone. Stay positive.

Holler if you hear me.