When You Kill Time, You Murder Success

I still remember the first time I saw someone wearing a Stiff Records shirt.  If it ain't Stiff it ain't worth a fuck.  The logo and catch line immediately burned into my brain. It was a long time before I even knew what it was or what it meant.

I have always loved music.  As a kid, I listened to the radio, listened to albums my parents owned, even started working just to make money to buy my own records.

My brother and older friends influenced me on new stuff, from Bob Marley to Devo to The Ramones. This journey with music,  just as a fan at first,  started before MTV and music videos.  Back when radio influenced an artist’s success, the playlist dictating what we listened to - and it wasn't all bad. Freeform DJ’s played what they wanted in between the songs on the weekly playlists, Carol Miller or Meg Griffin popping in a random new artist that wasn't a label priority. 

Back when magazines were out weekly, and you could go and read everything from Village Voice to Melody Maker or NME.  If you went to a good record store, you could find the DIY fanzines. 

When part of the beauty of music was the discovery.  The articles, the photos, the descriptions. Music was coming out that was so original, there was nothing to compare it to.  Dancehall, ska, punk, rap, new wave...it was all new.  

Record stores became the place to spend weekend days. Venus Records, Bleeker Bob's, Barry's Stereo and Sound, and my personal favorite, Sounds. (St. Marks was the Mecca of cool: record stores, clothing shops, pizza places, St. Marks Theatre, and the stoops where you could just sit with your friends and hang out and talk).  These spots were how I discovered new music:  hours spent flipping through the vinyl bins, listening to the carefully curated music played in the store by the record store clerks.  You would be browsing, hear something and ask what it was. And then right there, you would buy that record, having discovered it just because they played it.

Through these selected purchases, patterns emerged.  What is this label?  Who is this producer?  What is this scene? 

I got into The Specials and Two Tone. My brother and I were gifted it by my dad's associate, Faith, who was British.  In this pre-MTV world, we would sit and pore through the photos, read the credits, learn the lyrics.  Know each record and song from the beginning of side A to the end of side B.  Playing those records repeatedly, playing them for friends, playing them before and after school, during dinner and before going to bed.  Buying an album was an investment, so if you bought it, you were committed.  Hard earned cash needed to be spent wisely. Through the need to be economic with my purchases I began to build trust with specific labels, people, writers, and DJ's.  

I started listening to a station on Long Island called WLIR, whose slogan was "Dare to be different". They had great DJ's, no rules, specialty shows like Across the Pond or Punky Reggae Party and Screamers of the Week showcasing hand picks songs that I would listen to and then make my Saturday and Sunday trek to St. Marks to search the bins for the songs I’d recently heard.  Paying extra for the imports that didn't have domestic distribution yet, buying 12' remix extended singles just to get that B Side that wasn't available anywhere else.  It was a true treasure hunt and if something was on a particular label I liked, I bought it.  

Def Jam.  The beginning of hip hop for me.  The 12" releases of the singles by their artists didn't even usually have art.  It was black or maroon-ish with “Def Jam Recordings“ on the back in their iconic logo,  and the front was blank with the label displayed only with the name of the artist and the name of the song. I’d have no idea what it sounded like, but would always snatch it up without question.  

Same went for 2 Tone, Go Feet (the English Beat's label), Moon Records, Sire, IRS, Twin Tone, Island, Trojan and of course Stiff.

I finally understood why If it ain't Stiff, It ain't worth a fuck. Why people wore shirts with the label art as much as they wore the shirts of the bands on those labels.  It was a silent wink from one fan to the other.  It was this club that anyone could join just based on your openness to discovery.  It was a trust made between the label, their bands, and the fans.  In a world where I could probably afford 2-3 albums a week from the money made by delivering newspapers, I learned to trust certain labels enough that if an artist was on one of them, I was pretty sure I would love it. Even in the old days of retail, there was an overwhelming number of music to choose from. So having this narrowed-down process of where to put your hard-earned money made decisions easier to make. 

Fan devotion to the labels and the artists meant artists had several albums, singles, and time to build their audience.  By signing to a particular label, working with specific producers and being cosigned by other artists gave one an edge, an audience to work from when starting. When I started going to shows regularly I saw that these artists could play CBGB's on their first tour, support a headliner on the next at The Ritz, and then headline the Ritz - all on one album cycle; only to return on their next tour to do multiple nights at The Ritz and eventually move around the corner on to The Palladium.  These were all career setting achievements.  Three to four albums in they were creating great music without the need to sell millions, having dedicated fans, selling merch. While would break through to the next level (most with the help of MTV), but it wasn't a necessity.  Artists were able to tour worldwide, building careers.  I remember in the 80's, promoters and artists realized that because of the over 21 clubs (like the Ritz), there was a huge number of fans not seeing them.  Thus began “all ages“ and matinee shows.  

 

I worked as an.A&R person from the 1990's to the 2000s.  Even in the 90's Columbia Records, we had the ability and the talent at the labels to develop acts.  The motto at the time was “As Long as It Takes”, and for a lot of acts, this was true.  For others, not so much.  No fault of the label and people there, it is the music business.  (A sad truth in business: there are winners and losers.)

But in the early/mid 90's, independent labels were emerging.  Not like the 80's where indies were owned by majors (like Sire or IRS), but actual stand-alone indie labels signing and releasing artists and breaking into the mainstream.  Of course, this only would attract majors to go and make offers to take those artists from their labels.

I learned about this firsthand when I heard an album called Let’s Go by Rancid and then saw them perform at the Epitaph Summer Nationals. The thing was, I understood what the situation was.  They were a punk band on my favorite punk label.  They made their second release for $5,000 with the owner of the label.  While they blew my socks off, I knew this band was a band I wanted to work with - but someday and not yet.  They were growing at the perfect pace where they were.  I really wanted to meet them though, to let them know I was a huge fan and if/when they ever were interested in talking to a major, I was their guy.  But there was nobody better to do what Epitaph did and what they were going to do here to develop this band. Rancid was under the radar that the time,  but Green Day had just released Dookie, and everyone was all about "find me one of those".  In an A&R meeting I played Rancid and received the "Get that" marching order.  So, while I knew this was not the time, I understood my orders and if there was anyone I needed to "chase" I couldn't think of a band more worthy of chasing.  I told many people about them, who told other people, who then also began to pursue.  The band went to the 11th hour of signing with a major before changing their minds to remain where they should have always been.  They became legendary and continue to be successful with Epitaph. Staying with Epitaph is what felt right to the band both business-wise and ethically. 

Many of my colleagues at Columbia and I would discuss how bands were getting picked up too fast or before they were ready and coming to a label that didn’t have the patience to develop these artists.  We discussed creating a label like a AAA baseball team;  where if we saw/found someone we thought had potential, we could sign them and would through the RED distribution system building these artists to give them the time and resources to get to a place where we had something to work with and upstream to Columbia.  The old 80's model of an indie idea in a major system.  If they weren’t commercial, they could keep making records until and if they got there.  Smaller budgets, more focus on development ideas.  A way we could be an indie and not have to poach artists or buy an existing label to get their acts.  We even went as far as meeting with Sal Licata - the head of RED at the time - who was all in.  Sadly, that was cut short by my dismissal from Columbia.

The major label upstream from indie labels became the norm from the mid 90's.  It became more prevalent in the 2000s and on, because the previous slow-cooker artist development was less and less frequent among the major labels.  Not because they weren’t interested, but because it took too long, and we sadly live in a world now where time waits for no one.

I was recently hired to head a label called Motherwolf. I was fortunate to be introduced by a friend to a great guy who was actively looking for someone to run an indie label.  The label’s vision is based on quality of artists, fairness, shared artistic vision, artist development,  and being artist- friendly.  

The idea is to be called a "singles" label.  But I know you can't develop on a single.  If I believe in an artist, the idea of single is great.  Even though I may believe in them, working together is a commitment and a chemistry.  So, starting off with a single is like a good first date.  See how the chemistry works.  How you fit together in the process.  Does the artist show dedication and are they hungry?  Do I want this more than they do?  If I do, the chemistry is not right.  For the artist: do they feel know what I’m doing? Do I have the right vision and resources to move them into the right direction?  If not, then each of us have the option of moving forward on different paths, no extended contract disabling them to move on.  Of course, when I decide to work with the artist, I want the relationship to continue and move forward together.

The development idea with artist-friendly deals is to help build these artists so that they find an audience, take small steps in the process to really lock in and build. 

Whether I sign an artist is not dependent on data or algorithms.  It's about talent.  It's about hearing something/someone and seeing the audience.  If we can build trust and elevate that artist, the hopes are to keep going and building more.  If a major label or a major indie discovers them and wants to take them somewhere I can't, then Carpe Diem.  If the band or artist build where they want to just take it solo, same.  

As mentioned earlier,  artist development is difficult to achieve at a major label.  Again, not because they don't want to do it, but because there isn't enough time.  I have spoken to artists courted by majors who admitted that they are scared to make the jump out of fear that they aren't ready to perform to the expected levels of a major label yet.  They know they will when the time is right, but feel they still need a little more time prior to going under that microscope.  So, the dilemma they encounter is, if they don't take the offer, they’ll miss the opportunity; but if they do sign to a major, they risk losing everything that got them here if it their release underperforms.  Remember, 4 million streams by a DIY/Indie artist are huge.  4 million streams on a major are an underperformance.   A DIY/Indie artist works at their own schedule, a major label artist (sadly many times, not all) works in an hourglass.  I’m looking to work with an artist or a major label who want that time and efforts to not rush into a situation too soon in this potentially critical time.

2022 has started off well.  With more releases out there, we are pushing the boulder up the hill; me, my trusted and awesome coworkers, and the artists.  We are all in it together, and want to “win” one step at a time.

My goal is to make Motherwolf like the best of the labels that “raised“ me.  A place where when we put out a release, someone will give it a shot, because it's on Motherwolf.  Maybe they'll discover a new genre, maybe they'll want to be part of it, maybe I’ll see someone walk down the street in a shirt with the label’s logo.  

Old man look at my life, I'm nothing like you were

I made a post today on social media regarding Neil Young pulling his music from Spotify based on Joe Rogan’s “misinformation” spreading.  My post was pivoting from Young/Rogan beef to the reality and the elephant in the room of artist/earning reality that exists based on this new and dominant form of music distribution that has become the new normal.  

After I hit Post, more thoughts and discussion started to swarm in my head, so figured now was the time to release it here.

I don’t think Spotify and other DSPs are evil.  They are 2022.  I don’t think DSP's are music haters or intentionally pay poorly to content providers (using the word “content” to describe music is so cringy), they just can.  They are the new model.  The old model died a very public death, ironically due to the greed and the power struggle of the former monopoly holders.  This time around those who suffered from the technology shift, thought wisely, and embraced it vs fighting it.  The victim in both technology advancements (file sharing and streaming)?  Artists.

In Art, music specifically has always been the bastard child of entertainment.  Music is the most consumable, the most emotional, personal, universal, achievable, discoverable, and eternal form of entertainment.  But it’s also the most abused.  It’s easy to point the finger at a record company and the deals they make with artists, publishers, managers, the list can go on.  But in a more modern account, music is the canary in the coal mine for technology.  

When Apple first introduced the iPod, the guinea pig was music.  Was it a music device?  No, it was a hardware device.  The success of music was an experiment to move onto visual media, then to a phone.  When iTunes tried to create a digital form of music delivery and set the price at .99 cents per download, the labels said nobody would pay for music they couldn’t hold.  The digital distributors, tried to create a DRM (digital rights management) protocol to keep downloads from being shared.  One proved to be true (people would pay for digital music), and one was abandoned (DRM was eliminated when it proved to be too difficult to impose on consumers.   Who are the losers in this one?  Artists.

When Films, Documentaries and TV shows are made, budgets are allocated for every single cost to make the film.  Costs for cameras, crew, editing, travel, catering, per diems, you name it.  When it comes to the end of the film, the soundtrack is needed to add ambiance and audio accompaniment to it to help create the mood.  Many times (not all) the budget is spent, and music is hunted for use at a low fee or even gratis use under the pitch that it’s “good for exposure”.  The cost of airline flights cost more than the entire music budget, so once again, the artist is victim to a low fee for the use of their music in a film.  Here’s the sad part.  Many times, these low fees are more money than the artist has made from a full year of streaming.  Also, if the license comes from an artist that is signed to a label, the money earned just goes toward the unrecouped balance of the money spent being signed to the label.  This is not a knock-on film/TV use.  This is just to point out how it seems to work for better or for worse.

MTV has always been notorious with the “exposure” line.  Worldwide rights, in perpetuity for “exposure”.  Again, for an unknown artist, this is a good deal, because if their song is used in a reality show and shown in every country, that means they have a shot at being heard.  I’m very pro film/tv placement, especially in 2022 where those forms of exposure are the most likely to get noticed because you can’t fast-forward or skip a song if it’s in a show or film you are watching.   I personally think editors are the best music discovery sources and most helpful to up-and-coming artists than any other individual person.  They cut a scene to a song to create a feeling, an emotion and if they get it right, that moment can change an artist’s life.  I always think of the use of “Breathe Me” by Sia in the finale of Six Feet Under.  I personally believe that placement changed her career forever.  

So back to streaming.  The argument of whether a music fan in 2010 and beyond needed to physically own the music they listened whether it was digital file, or a physical product was a very short one.  No.  Nobody cared.  Spotify and other DSPs were quick to address the issue on ownership.  Quick to realize they needed to strike a deal and work with the majors.  Majors, coming off a horrible past decade because of the refusal to accept and work with technology, came to the table, not as bullies, but as negotiators.  They had something Spotify needed, and Spotify did something they needed.  Deals were struck.  Ownership was granted and here we are.

Now, based on the pay rates per stream, if any businessperson looked at it, there would be no way a major would take this deal.  But, when you look at this deal and are part owner of the company, it’s a lot easier to accept these numbers.  Especially if you get a share of the subscription fees, the advertisement dollars and are still collecting your share of the streams and paying out the artists on the agreed upon percentage they made when signing their contract.

Also, being a partner and having ownership, as a major label, you have advantages built in.  In a distribution system that has 60,000 uploads of new music a day, you still have your influence to take priority to pass go and collect $200.  So, it’s a win, win, win.  If you are on a major label and are a priority, you are elite.   Again.  I can’t hate on any of this.  First you get the power, then you get the money.  

A major label has always been a benefit to any artist.  Being on one is the gold standard.  It’s your shot.  But just like anything, just because you are in the race doesn’t mean you are going to win, place or show.  Sometimes you never even make it out of the stable.  It’s a gamble.  But who would turn that down?  The power, the influence could change your life.  It’s been this way since the beginning of labels.  You are on a label; you had the staff in place with the relationships.  Relationships with radio, video, retail, writers, periodicals, agents, etc.  You had influence.  If you had an A list artist coming out with a new song, you could leverage a new artist to get exposure.  You could put developing acts on headliner packages.  Get an exclusive with an artist if they wrote about someone that needed a review or profile.  Today, being part owners of this new platform, it carries on.  You can’t be mad at them.  Don’t hate the player.  Hate the game.

So, since I have clarified I don’t hate labels for having the power and the influence, I do want to speak on their business itself.  Historically, prior to streaming, labels always put out a lot of money in costs to work with an artist.  There were (and still are) a lot of moving parts.  There were advances, production, art, videos, manufacturing, tour support, distribution, publicity, advertisements, etc.… many of these things still exist.  One missing piece that was very expensive is manufacturing and distribution.  An artist when signing to a label would agree for several releases with options to continue (labels option) if things were going well and would usually negotiate a percentage (points) awarded to them for their music and being part of the label.  This percentage was usually around 12%-16%.  This calculation was based on how much the label was putting into the project from their side and it was a fair (agreed upon) split with the artist for the label doing the heavy lifting and financial investment.  This 85% (Average) would cover the recoupable costs they were putting into the creation, marketing, promotion, manufacturing of the release.  So, for any aspiring and excited artist, this was understandable, and this was their shot.  But, the math wasn’t as clear.  Many artists I know today who have sold 1 million copies of albums are still unrecouped.  How you ask?  Well, when you cut the deal up, you are earning (say) .16 cents per dollar spent.  That is also the number you are recouping on.  So, by that, if $1 is earned and you owe $1, you only paid back .16 cents towards that dollar owed by the dollar earned.  It would take you $6.25 earned to pay back $1 according to your deal.  So, if you earned 1 million dollars, but owed 1 million dollars, only $160,000 was recouped leaving you still $840,000 unrecouped.  There is an upside though.  If you are in this number area, that wood hopefully mean that you are making money another way, like merchandise, touring, as an influencer or branching out into other areas and you got there thanks to the efforts of the work that you and your label did for you to gain this exposure.   But these deals are archaic.  The costs of making, distributing, and promoting a release is nowhere near the numbers it was before streaming.  Majors need to do 50/50 deals.  Give these people a chance to make a living off their music.  

To be fair, Sony has begun trying to work with legacy artists to renegotiate with them for better royalty shares and even wiping clean the accumulated debt that is still unpaid, giving the artists a chance to actually earn a good percentage from their streams moving forward.

I won’t even start on what publishing earns because that alone is its own rant.  Being a partner in the DSPs, earning off each stream (double dipping) and earning off master uses and exploitations, I think you are making enough to give up half of the streaming revenue to these artists.  Making 1 million per hour on streaming.  I think you can share.

That was the old model.  When it cost a lot of money to release and promote a song. When the gates were sealed, and you couldn’t get through unless you had a connection or a way in.  Retail, radio, periodicals.  Very exclusive and impenetrable for the most part.  Manufacturing was expensive and moving units and getting them in stores was hard.  Labels owned end caps and point of positions to highlight their releases and priorities.  You weren’t getting placement on the Tower Records counter as an impulse buy, unless a clerk was a fan and said, “fuck it”, but traditionally those spots were bought and paid for.

Today, with DSP’s being the main distribution model, anyone can get their music on the platforms with independent distributors from TuneCore, Distrokid, CDBaby and more exclusive ones like Fuga, Symphonic, Empire.  Hence, the 60k per day uploads of new songs.  Gone are the record stores, the politics, the golden key to compete against the others.  But now we have a marketplace that is beyond oversaturated and still controlled by the majors because of their ownership.  

Showing the numbers of what an artist earns on each stream is alarming and sad.  But you are now on the field.  I have news for you too.  Regardless of these numbers, if you own your own music, you make all the money.  You can make a living.  I described the deals that artists have with labels, but I also described how much they lose from those situations.  When you own all your stuff, you aren’t receiving .14 of a dollar earned.  You are earning $1 of $1 earned.  It’s not all doom and gloom and fuck the DSP’s for not paying.  It is what it is because that’s what it is, and you can either work with the system or be a tree falling in a forest with nobody there to hear you.  I’m not condoning it, but if you are an artist, there is no other option today.  Try and get more people to convert to the better paying platforms, but at this point it’s like asking someone to change from their iPhone to an Android.  They like what they like.

Spotify, has us all by the balls.  They are the most used platform.  They offer the option to pitch your music to their editorial playlists and if you get on one, life can change.  It sucks.  Whenever I have a release coming out and it’s pitched to Spotify for editorial play listing upon release, I reminds me of buying a lottery scratcher.  You could win or you could lose.  You wait and anticipate every moment waiting for it to win and when you get 2 of 3 numbers, with what you scratched off being generated by a computer with zero explanation as to why you didn’t win.  It’s just the way it goes.  

As an artist or an independent label, we need these platforms.  It the only way to get music to the masses.  They pay for shit, but like I said, if you own your own music, you make all the horrible payouts.  If you are an independent label, make fair deals.  Give the artist 50/50 deals.  Let them want to work with you to succeed.  It’s better to have a partner in life than to do it yourself.  We can’t look at this Neil Young situation and withdraw from the platform due to the inclusion of Joe Rogan being on the same platform.  We can try and get people to support us on better paying platforms but jumping off one (the biggest one) is literally shooting yourself in the foot.  Most people don’t have the catalogue of songs to live off to afford to say “it’s told us or them."

I love Neil Young.  I love Joni Mitchell.  I have their albums on vinyl and CD and listen on AppleMusic, but they are legends.  They have catalog and they were around and coming up when there was a way to become an artist by working with labels and artist and career development.  We live in a very different time, where many of those options no longer exist.  Time waits for no one and over-saturation cancels out time.  When they released albums and music, distractions were lesser.  People read more, writers wrote more, radio played music more and we had time to digest what we heard.  Gone are the days of doing a paper route to earn money to buy one or two albums to listen to for hours, staring at the art and reading the liner notes and committing because every dollar earned was thought out to spend on something.  We owned music, we didn't rent it.  

I look forward to the day when everyone can take a stand against moral issues, but as struggling artists and small labels, we actually can't.  In 2022, Spotify has 365 Million monthly listeners.  For an up and coming or developing artist or an indie label  removes their music, then they won't even get a mention in a blog and would eliminate the opportunity of being discovered by any potential new fan.  Stakes for creatives are too high.

Do you want to support artists and continue to consume your music via streaming?  Look at the chart who pays better and stream there.  Buy merchandise from artists, go to their shows (when they are in town), follow their social media pages and comment and like posts.  Increase engagement.  Those little gestures help in the way data and algorithms (another word I never thought I would use in my life with regard to music) help these artists move forward and gain more attention.  

You can do so much for so many at the tips of your fingers.  

 

Valentines Day. The Rose no one really knows

In 1994, when I was working at Columbia Records, i signed a band from Detroit called Sponge. If you are of the 90's you would know them or at least have heard their song "Plowed" (Yes, one of Howard Stern's favorite songs). It was a great time in the business. Records were selling, expense accounts were flowing, labels were developing artists. There was room for growth. But as we know, all good things must come to an end.

But that's not what this blog is about. That's a boring "i remember back" story that old fuckers like me seem to rehash daily, like guy I knew that would always remind me how much gas cost when they were kids. Only difference of course being, when they would talk about gas, i would know what they were talking about. If I mention Sponge to anyone under 30, they look at me with zero connection or reference. Then i have to remember, most of them were born after Kurt Cobain died. Where did the time go?

Anyway, back in 1994, I also met a wonderful young lady, who happened to be the 12 year old daughter of my friend Joe, who was a guitar player in Sponge. This young lady's name was Rosalyn. Funny, smart, and just a natural star. She was like a little sister to me from the get go. She had the luxury of growing up when her dad's band was in its prime. Got to go on tour, meet bands and just live the life. She had a natural gift for music and her enthusiasm and fearlessness, made me want to help her out. This lead to my first endeavor with her. One day, she was walking around her house singing a song over and over again. This of course because something her dad would tell Vinnie, the singer of Sponge about. They wrote and song and told me about it. I told them I would pay to have them record it and we could make a 7" from it. So, just like that, "I'm A Big Girl" with the b-side being "Femme Fetal" by Velvet Underground was recorded under the name 27 Mauve. The song would be performed as an encore on tour, sometimes with Rosalyn performing it, sometimes just the band. But, it because a fan favorite and we sold out of the 7" that were sold at shows.

It was pretty much set up to be a novelty item. But, Rose got the bug and just naturally gravitated to the guitar and singing. Her heroes at this point being Nirvana and Hole. She was all about that and punk rock. I was proud. I have always loved turning people onto music and she was ripe for influence. She of course, though a lot of the stuff i was turning her on to was shit. But, she was 14 at this point. It's expected.

I always knew something would happen with her, just what and when wasn't clear. During these next couple of years, with Saint Cobain being her religion, not only was she influenced by the music, but by the demons too. Neither I nor her dad were aware of this for a long time.

In 1999/2000, I had the ultimate highlight, situation both professionally and as a music fan experience. I spent a short time (a little less than a year), managing Rancid. One of my favorite bands that I had met in 1996 while at Columbia. Long story short, I was in the beginning of the (well documented) bidding war that ended very bad for one guy. I always kept a very good relationship with them (specifically Tim) because it was never about me getting the band. It was about them getting the best situation and when it didn't pan out in my favor, it was ok and i let them know that. Because of that, 5 years later they would ask me to look after them. It really was a dream come true for me. One of the bonus of that time working with Rancid, was being with Tim on a daily basis. At that time, he was married to Brody, who was starting a band called The Distillers. They were a 3 piece and fucking awesome. But, like Rancid (who were originally a 3 piece), i could see them needing a 2nd guitar player. One day I casually asked Brody if she would consider a 2nd guitarist and she told me she was dying for one, but wanted a girl and couldn't find one. The bell in my head rang (maybe that's why i have tinnitus)and I told her about Rose. I even told her she was coming out to visit me in a week or two (she wasn't), but i wanted them to meet each other. Brody was stoked and told me to make sure to have them meet when she came. Now, I needed to call Rose and her dad to see if she was interested and ask if i could fly her out to stay with me for a couple weeks to have her meet Brody. I got "Yes" all around, booked her a ticket, had her come out. Her and Brody met, and I think i saw her maybe 2 more times over the next two weeks. The two were inseparable and just clicked. It was awesome. Rosalyn, was now in The Distillers and recording and touring. She was 16 turning 17.

The next couple of years, i didn't see her, but kept tabs on her. I was always a phone call away, but she was living the rock and roll life. I still had no idea of her demons or how deep they went. After the 1st tour, she, now known as "Casper Rose" ended up moving to Berkeley and living with her then (most awesome) boyfriend Tim, who she met when he was in a band called Nerve Agents, who were also on the same label, Hellcat. I went up to visit her a couple times (i have no recollection why), but things seemed like they were not 100%. I would get calls from her dad or from her sometimes, when there was an issue that i could try and help out with, but she was a big girl. The Distillers ended up making their next album Sing, Sing Death House, where Rose actually contributed on songwriting on songs as felt like the band was going to pop. They had all the best going for them. But, Rose was a mess. Dope sick, addicted, every parents nightmare. They went on Warped Tour and she was literally out of control. She was literally the Sid Vicious of the band. Pure, real, a showman, but extremely volatile, unpredictable and dangerous to herself and to others. Fat Mike even wrote a song about her on the NOFX album War on Errorism called "Decom-Posuer" that basically was his observation of her. The bands motivation to move forward and her motivation of derail brought them to a parting. Rose left The Distillers soon after and honestly, for the public, her whereabouts became those of Big Foot. Many stories, theories, folklore.

For me and her dad, it was sad to see it happen, both of us knew her talent and how she was just self sabotaging her life. Nothing could be done. She was a dope addict with no motivation. The Distillers went on to do great. Even announcing a reunion (sans Casper Rose). It absolutely has been a "what if" for me. I don't think she ever cared as much as we did. But that was her at the time.

Over the next 10 years, with her dad being a very close friend, I would know what she was up to, where she was living, making sure she's alive. We would speak whenever she called me and I would always try and encourage her music. I promised her, anytime she had a desire to record, i would pay for it. She would "clean up", get motivated, call me, tell me about songs she wrote, send me demos. I sent her in the studio like 2 times over those years, the results would be inspiring, but usually organized confusion. But, what I did find was a voice and a natural gift. But, that gift and voice were wasted as long as she was a junkie. There is a lot of truth to the saying "Never trust a junkie". I just couldn't give up on her. We had so many start/stops of recovery, so many heartaches and conversations I would have with her dad. But he was amazing and also never gave up.

In 2012 (i think), she moved to Tallahassee, FL. She had to get out of Detroit, where she knew every junkie, thief, asshole in the world and was going to be found one day in an abandoned house shooting gallery. Her mom (xoxo Margo), was moving down there with her husband at the time and son and took Rosalyn. But, better weather doesn't take the junk out of the junkie. Junkies are like cockroaches, they live anywhere and everywhere. We started speaking again when she got down there. She really wanted to start playing again, and like I always promised, if she did, i would pay for it. We had more stop starts and she ended up meeting a good guy and having a baby.

Gia was born and I was sure this was the fix. It took a while, but through ups and downs, she made the decision and came to the realization that life wasn't going to be shit anymore. She checked herself into a rehab and remained there for a full year. While in there, she had self realizations, did yoga, worked on herself and did it for Gia. We would speak periodically, and she had a guitar and was writing songs. As always, I promised when she got out, i would pay for her to record.

She got out or rehab in 2016, she went to Detroit for Christmas and recorded 4 amazing songs that we released super DIY on an EP called Songs from Rehab. Musically, the EP is excellent. Lyrically, honest. It was a great return to the world. Not a "throw it out there", but a commitment and dedication. We set up social media accounts to slowly ease her back into the world. She was warmly received and reconnected with Brody though social media. That was a good closure, full circle for her. Both Moms now, still writing and playing. The Ep was a very quiet release, got a little press, put out a 7" with a great indie label in LA called Wink And Spit. The label owner (and artists herself) Kelsey was a Distillers fan and reached out to her through social media. We had no expectations for the release, I just wanted to encourage her songwriting and get her going and doing what she is gifted to do.

A year passed and life happens. You have kids, they take priority. She's a great mom and just such a wonderful human. She called me in August and stared sending me songs she was working on. They were all great. So, we made a plan to record again. So once again at Christmas, she went back to Detroit and recorded 3 new songs with her band which includes her dad, Joe on bass.

We just released the 1st of the 3. A song called Valentines Day. Again, a lyrically honest song with a beautiful melody and vocal performance. We made a video on her iPhone that Gia shot and I edited with my limited editing skills (DIY). The reception has been good so far. Hopefully more people discover it, because it deserves it.

Never give up. This has been what I have lived by. You believe in something or someone, stick with them. I believe in Rose. Since she was 12. I'm not looking to get rich, but what I can do is help her express herself and hope other people discover her too. I teach at a music school. I believe in passion and if there is something there. i want to be someone who at least can help them see it in themselves and maybe even move the ball forward.

Rose could have easily have given up. Shit, she actually did a few times, but she bounced back. From junkie to mom. Never lost her heart and never lost me. Her continuous hard work at keeping her life together and fueling her creativity. Building a great life with her boyfriend Thomas, his kids and the light of her life Gia, i couldn't be prouder of her.

Happy Valentines Day, Kid.