This morning I took my son to school. It was just like any other day. He's 10 and I have been super protective of him his entire life. I have a habit of dropping him off at school, walking him to class and watching him get settled in.
For the last couple of weeks, I have been working on having him walk to class on his own. Give him his Independence.
So, this morning, I decided today was the day. We got out of the car, I walked with him to the gate, said goodbye and said "have a great day" and gave him a kiss.
He walked on his own and turned twice to look back to see if I was in my same place shadowing him. I wasn't and he kept going with a smile.
I realized that it wasn't him that needed me to walk him to class, but it was me that needed it. It's so hard to accept the fact that kids grow up. I actually teared up as I watched my little man on his own. It was the first moment in my life as a dad, where I realized he's his own person. My Little boy is so smart, so sweet and such an inspiration to me. He has his challenges and will never be 100% on his own, but he's on his way and I know if he gets the character and drive to succeed that is in his genetic make up, he's going to be great.
I called my wife to share the feeling and I know she also got choked up. It's an indescribable feeling when you have that moment of pride for a child and fear of their independence.
Then I came home to see the news of the tragedy in Connecticut. My joy turned to sadness. For a parent, taking your kids to school and watching them grow is such a daily milestone. School is a place to learn, to make friends and to become a person. We look to teachers and school as a place of safety. When I drop off my kids, i feel comfortable and confidant with their caregivers and educators.
A day like today, really makes you realize that nothing is ever in your control. There are crazy, disturbed monsters in the world that we can't always be around to protect them. I think there should be a word that was stronger than tragedy.
That feeling of letting my son go on his own to his classroom...the fear, the pride, the letting go of the chord that I felt so good about as taken in a moment when the reality of life and the world was put in front of my eyes by one monster and his violation and disrespect for innocence and life this morning.
I look forward to picking up Miles this afternoon, looking at his beautiful face and giving him a hug. As long as I'm around him, nobody will ever hurt him without a fight.
